A Daydream World

I suppose there should be an explanation for why it's been so long since my last entry. I've been working all summer, at a camp. This camp is my favorite place in the whole entire world, and it's one of the most important parts of my life. At least, it was before I screwed everything up. I screwed up bad. See, I should still be at camp. I should be working right now, not sitting at my computer in my house, procrastinating. But I screwed up so badly that I got fired.

I screwed up one of the most important things in my life because I'm an idiot.

And the worst part is that there's nothing I can do to make things right. It doesn't even matter to me that I lost my job; what matters is that I lost everything. I lost the trust of my boss, who is the most amazing woman I've ever met. I can't go back to camp, which is kind of like saying that I can never go home again. I didn't even get to say goodbye to my friends, some of whom I will never see again. And the only thing I can do is bang my head against the wall and call myself an idiot.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I really, honestly do believe that, because I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't believe that. So, while I keep telling myself that I'm an idiot, I'm going to throw myself into the other things that are important to me. I'm going to write; I'm going to spend time with my family; I'm going to spend time with my friends.

I'm going to make it so that when I look into the mirror, I see someone I actually like.

I was just sorting through a bunch of piles of papers and folders in my room and I came across my eighth grade year book, that I had completely forgotten about. Looking through the signatures and messages that people left me I found what might possibly be the best message ever, from a girl I used to be friends with. I was friends with her in fifth grade, and she changed a lot over the years. We fell out of touch, but she has always been a really cool girl who isn't afraid to say what she wants to say. And as for the message?

Laugh at the world. You know you want to.

It's raining and the sun is shining, and I wish I could capture it. I wish I could draw it, or paint it, or capture it in photo in a way that wouldn't just reduce it to: "oh, it's raining. That's cool, I guess." Even words don't really work, because I can't find the right way to describe how the leaves of the tree are bright, new green, and how the sky isn't gray or dark but white, like a blank canvas. How the rain is barely there, just a mist when only minutes ago it was streaking slanted lines across the windowpanes. How the sun is bright, illuminating the sky from behind the clouds, and then in a sudden shift the world just goes dark, even though the colors don't really change. They just seem to dull.

Does that make sense?

So, I just got back yesterday from a trip to Washington D.C.. My mom and I went to go see RENT, which was so beyond fantastic I can't even describe it. Sitting in the theater I almost melted when Adam Pascal and Anthony Rapp walked out onto stage, honestly. I have a poster now and every time I look at it I just have this crazy, insane smile on my face, because it was THAT incredible.

Since I had never been to DC before, and my mom had only been there for business, she decided to drag me around to all of the tourist-spots. Here's the thing: I like seeing all of these amazing things, like the memorials and the Smithsonian, but I absolutely hate the crowds. I'm not claustrophobic, but that many people around, especially in a place that should be quiet and reserved--like Arlington National Cemetery, for example--irritates me beyond anything else.

Still, it was a really fun trip, and when we were there we went to the Newseum, which is one of the newer museums and is incredibly. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in journalism or anyone interested in history at all. And besides being fascinating, it made me start thinking about journalism as a possible career again. I mean, journalism has always been in the back of my mind as a possibility--I'm even taking Intro to Journalism next semester--but I haven't given it a lot of thought in a while.

Now I am.

The other thing I'm thinking about in terms of my future, is where I'm going to live. I'm not a big fan of cities, but--surprisingly enough--Washington DC is one city that I would seriously consider living in/around. Maybe not forever, but for at least a couple of years I think it would be interesting to live in a city. DC would definitely provide opportunities for a job in journalism too, especially since I know a few people through my mom who would help. Then again, I'm absolutely in love with New England and I would love to live up there too.

Eh, I have plenty of time to think about it. But it was definitely an interesting trip. Including the part where I fell in the mud walking to the Lincoln memorial!

Let's try this again, shall we? This is a rewrite of an older short story, and I like this version a lot better, but I'd really like to get other people's perspective, since I'm definitely a little biased.



( Imminence )

So, I've had this livejournal for...probably about two years now. And there were a total of two posted entries, both of which are now deleted. I'm starting over. The problem I always have with livejournal is that I don't really pay attention to it. I don't take the time to write entries, and I don't take the time to do anything else with it either.

This will change.

I should probably take the time to introduce myself, but who really does a thing like that? Hehe. All the information is in my profile. Suffice to say, my name is JC, I'm a sophomore at the University of New England (or I will be in September), and I like to write.

And, something that's not in my profile, I have a crazy idea. I want to start a webcomic. I'm not sure of what the plot will be yet, but I'm pulling ideas from my old abandoned stories and reworking them. It's a brand new idea, so I'm just starting to formulate characters and things that will happen. I'm working on drawing too, and I'm playing around in photoshop a lot. It's something that I really want to do...but I'm not sure if I can.

I'm crazy, right? Honestly, I never finish anything, and I have so much that I'm already working on. One unfinished screenplay, one unfinished stage play, four unfinished novels, a plethora of unfinished short stories, college, work...I would be crazy to add a webcomic to that list.

But I want to.

It's not sane, but it's something that I think I have to try.

Cheers,
JC